CDT Day 57 (7/14/23)

Miles 1370.2 (red line 1503.2)- 1384.6 (Red line 1601.6) (18.4 miles)

Verbatim

I started the day around 5:15. I walked by a sign which indicated an “Out West Safari”. I thought that was fun. I didn’t see any wildlife on my “safari” but did walk past some full “ponds” which are holding water from this year’s winter. Much of the basin is “wet”. It’s green and has a sort of algae smell. I thought the ponds felt pre-historic, the sort of sense I get from seeing Pronghorn. I think that comes from the fact that they’re Antelope and Antelope were the hunt in Age of Empires I (Any AOE fans out there?).

I’m conditioned to think of Antelope as ancient. When I was still in NM I talked to a couple from Montana who specialized in butchery and game hanging. They said an Antelope’s ankles are full of hundreds of thorns which they pick up during their life time of running in the sage sea. All embedded permanently in and under the skin. Ouch!

I talked with a Jeff? No. Jeff was the name of my hitch in and out Encampment. John? I don’t know… Old white guy. I talked to an old white local at one of the ponds. He said that this year’s winter killed of 60% of the Pronghorn and 80% of the Mule Deer. I found that pretty hard to believe, but he insisted. In Encampment another guy had stopped me at the store to ask if I’d seen any Deer in the woods. Any Elk? Any calf Elk? He was relieved when I said I saw some just the evening before. The winter was crazy, the animals are dead, and the basin is wet.

I walked into town and ate some Thai. I bought waaaay to many groceries. I still have a stomach ache. I’m a bit worried my filter is broken. But no, I did not buy a new one today. Or maybe I have worms? I’m not sure what’s going on but it sucks.

I noticed how hard it is to buy food today without plastic. I wanted humus and a drink to eat in town for my motel room. But there’s really nothing. I grabbed some Bragg’s apple cider vinegar to maybe help my gut (In retrospect I’m pretty sure vinegar would hurt much more than it could have helped…) and a lot of fruit. I’m afraid I’ve just made it worse with a lot of acid.

One more stretch and I’m out of the basin and into the Winds. Last year there was quite a bit more basin to walk after South Pass City.

The plastic I’m carrying is getting obnoxious and heavy.

Post Note

The trail diet does not do favors for stomach ills. I’d eaten Thai. Then I ate peppers, cucumbers, oranges, plums, a banana, tomato, beans, tortilla, avocado, and ice cream in the motel. The vinegar drink was interesting just because it wasn’t water. I’d been drinking a lot of water. I watched a lot of YouTube in that motel. I was soaking my feet in the tub while eating beans and watching Age of Empires II gameplay when L texted. I wasn’t surprised at all, actually. I sort of expected it. The gravity of silence between us had been growing. I hadn’t texted, and had no intention to initiate since I’d thanked for my returned things and wished L well.

I remember feeling amused. L had texted me twice since my goodbye, having taken the communication to “cheer the other on” seriously I suppose. But, that was my way of saying goodbye, not an indication that I wanted to actively participate. I suppose I could have been clearer. Anyways, with this text L updated me on some of what had gone on with her life. But it wasn’t any about any of the things that I felt were the monumental decision points in her life. It was about play. Play is nice. Good job! I can be happy for your play without texting back. I decided that since no direct question was asked there wasn’t a merited direct response. I still couldn’t bring myself to say anything other than something really negative. So I wouldn’t respond. I wondered if it was a sort of bait to gauge if I was still interested in some vague sort of relationality. Like, if I wasn’t informed of the things which mattered more heavily than play maybe I would ask after them. Nah. Last time I was curious about L’s life it destroyed me.

I was still slamming my words, pole, and sometimes body into the world around me when I was alone. My mornings, evenings, bedtime could still be consumed (especially on bad days) without warning by overwhelming anger and resentment. I’m noticing now how I feel a sense of disgust towards myself as I write. I’ll have to stop writing now and ask that part what that disgust is about. Self-disgusted part, what are you trying to say to me? Why are you speaking now?

Later that evening in the motel I pulled out all my plastic and laid it on the floor. I hadn’t done that since Creede when I “dish the dishes”. It was getting obnoxiously heavy and bulky. I remember feeling anxious about that. The pressure felt like it was building and there might not be enough room to hold it all.